How NOT To Get Your Business Taken Seriously

Today, we’re flipping the script. Instead of giving you tried and true advice on boosting your business’s street cred, we’re diving into the delightful realm of how to make sure no one takes your business seriously.  Ever. So, if you fancy turning your thriving enterprise into the laughing stock of the industry, grab a notepad and jot these golden nuggets down!

Cheap office furniture

Remember those flimsy chairs that wobble if you so much as sneeze in their direction? Or those desks that give you splinters just by looking at them? Well, stock your office with those instead of that high quality executive office furniture you’ve been hearing so much about. Nothing says “We’re not serious about our business” quite like making sure every meeting has an awkward moment where a client nearly topples over in their seat.

The “DIY” logo

Why bother hiring a professional graphic designer when you have a perfectly good paint application on your computer? Rustle up a logo in five minutes flat, complete with clashing colours and unreadable fonts. Oh, and for that extra touch of professionalism, add some clipart. The more pixelated, the better!

Make your business cards edible

Who needs traditional cardstock when you can have biscuit business cards? Nothing says, “Please forget my contact details” quite like your potential client dunking your card into their tea. Delicious, but perhaps not so effective for recall.

Overpromise and underdeliver

Remember when you were promised that beach body in just two weeks with only five minutes of exercise a day? Do that. Promise the moon on a stick and then deliver a twig. It’s sure to get you some, erm, memorable feedback.

Email signatures that rival novels

Sure, a short and professional email signature with just your name, role, and contact information is efficient. But why stop there? Include your favourite quote, today’s horoscope, a brief history of your company, and perhaps the entire lyrics to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.

Social media shenanigans

Tweet like a pirate. No, seriously. Adopt the persona of an 18th-century pirate for all your social media correspondence. Bonus points if you throw in the occasional ‘Arrr matey!’ or refer to your latest products as ‘buried treasure’.

Unplanned, unannounced flash sales

Surprise! Drop your prices dramatically for, say, 17 minutes, without any prior notice. And once it’s over, deny it ever happened. This strategy is sure to keep your customers on their toes and endlessly confused.

Dress code: Pajamas only

You want to create a relaxed environment, right? So, make pyjamas the mandatory dress code. Nothing screams “we’re laid back” like holding a meeting in your bunny slippers and nightgown.

Adopt a company mascot – The more unrelated, the better

Sell software? Why not adopt a llama as your company mascot? Offer financial advice? Clearly, a dancing pineapple should be the face of your brand. The more unrelated, the more head scratches you’ll get.

In conclusion, if you’re looking to make a lasting impression (and by lasting, we mean something folks will chuckle about during their tea breaks), these are your go-to strategies. On the flip side, if you actually want to be taken seriously, perhaps consider doing the exact opposite of everything mentioned above. Just a thought.

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