#BEYOUROWN MEETS DOMINEY DREW
Dominey Drew specialises in helping single men attract life partners through personal and relationship coaching. Her popular podcast and accelerated 8-week training program – The Art of Attraction – showcase her proven process that shows guys exactly how they’re unintentionally holding themselves back from getting what they really want!
Her work is effective for men and women equally and is powerfully transformative as it addresses not only the mental level but the physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual and energetic levels all at once. Her 15 years of experience has included a Master’s in Transpersonal Psychology, and two intensive 4-year schools. Her approach is grounded, real, and full of laughter and fun – and her many success stories speak for themselves!
Can you take us through your journey as to how you arrived at where you are now?
My journey in this realm begins quite early in life. I recall reading a book when I was 14 years old, I can even remember where I was sitting–on the back porch of the farm where I grew up, overlooking the fields, and having the experience of the kind of waking up, as if from a dream. As if I’d always known who I was and what life really was, and I was just remembering at that moment. I continue to study spirituality and similar topics throughout my teenage years. At 19, my struggles intensified and a severe emotional break led me to a workshop with a group called the Pathwork, at a retreat center in Virginia. That weekend changed my life, and I knew instantly that I wanted to teach the work that had so affected me so profoundly. That was 15 years ago, and I have been studying, training, and teaching this work ever since.
You spent 14 years intensively studying energy awareness and transformational work. How are you applying what you have learned from that, to what you are doing now?
It has always been my longing to teach this work. Honestly, the hardest part about that was forming the business through which I could bring it forth. I had a very difficult time with that – while teaching and facilitating this powerful work came quite naturally to me, creating and running a business was a whole different set of skills that I had to create from nothing. I certainly learned a lot about myself along the way.
How has your own experiences carved out this incredible opportunity to help men attract their perfect partner?
You know, landing on single men of the demographic one of the last things that fell into place with this work. The work itself is not specific to men, nor dating, nor relationships. The work itself is about you. It’s about seeing how you hold yourself back from what you want. But, as I learned early on, the fastest way to mediocrity is to be a generalist. I knew that if I wanted to be successful I had to micro niche and really focus on solving one problem for one person. I landed on working with men for a few different reasons – one is that there is a lot of support out there for women, a lot of coaches and businesses and organisations that focus specifically on helping women.
I didn’t see much out there that was available for men, so that was one reason I went that direction. But really I just felt called to that work. I love working with men, it’s a different feel, a different approach, and they make really incredible shifts that are so rewarding to see.
Why do you think men subconsciously block out the person they want?
Well, there’re a lot of different reasons people do this, it’s not just specific to men, and not just specific to dating. Basically what happens is we have difficult experiences when we’re young which caused us to form subconscious beliefs or assumptions about the world that we take for granted. And these beliefs shield us, or”protect us” from what we see as perceived threats based on these early childhood experiences.
So we react to things, experience fear of things, and limit ourselves without even realising that we’re doing it, the whole process is taking place in our subconscious mind. And really that makes sense because, for the most part, we’re pretty smart– and if our relationship life was something we could figure out then we would’ve done so by now. The reason why we aren’t able to is that the problem is the ‘unconscious.’ So what I help guys do, is to learn to recognise and identify exactly what the problem is, and then I can help them solve it.
Who does the team involve behind you?
Actually, up until recently, I have pretty much been a one-man show. I’m in the process of hiring a team of client engagement reps, but I’m the only one that does the coaching, so anyone who hires me works directly with me. I’d appreciate a great team around me so much because it really frees me up and allows me to focus on using my gifts.
Where can you see your self within the next 3-5 years? Do you think at some point you may help women also?
I never really thought about helping women. It is certainly an option down the road, the work is just as effective for women as is for men, I’ve seen it work thousands of times on women. However, I have my sights set pretty high for this particular business. I want to expand to other countries, teach workshops and retreats for small groups and also large crowds, and maybe even write a book in the future. It’s my goal to bring this work to as many people as possible.
What do you believe are the common misconceptions about being a relationship coach?
A lot of people think that I teach people how to date, or teach tips and tricks for how to meet people and things like that. A lot of guys will come to me asking me for insights on what to say to women, for example. What I really focus on is the deeper work. If you’re not confident walking up to a woman, then you’re probably experiencing fear. My solution is, rather than to give you words to say which may or may not help, I would rather be more direct about it. I address the problem head-on rather than treating the symptoms of it.
For example, if you have no idea what to say to a woman but you have no confidence issues, you’ll just walk right up and make a joke about not having any idea what to say. Confidence is what’s really lacking in that situation, not really what words to say. So I really focus on the deep work, which is where are you holding yourself back from what it is you want.
Multiple times the issues that I am dealing with are mainly our approach, anxiety, fear of rejection, and patterns of repeatedly attracting the wrong women over and over again. I’m sure many women can identify with this as well! Often the approach anxiety and fear of rejection boils down to self-worth issues, which underlie a lot of the problems that humans face in this day and age. Repeatedly tracking the same relationship shows that there’s an underlying belief of what love looks like, or what can be expected out of relationships, that needs to be worked on. Once that is cleared you will find yourself attracted to people who really nourish and serve you, and a happy relationship is the result.
What would you like to see changed for millennial men in business who are looking for their ideal partner?
The most valuable thing that you can do in this area, is to take stock of what is happened in the past that hasn’t work for you, and finally underlying pattern. We all have patterns in not just our dating lives but every aspect of our life, and when we see them that way we’re able to see the commonalities better and they always point to what is happening inside of us.
What is the number 1 critical lesson you have learned in your career so far?
To stay focused! Persevere, neither of which were core qualities or natural gifts of mine. I had to learn to set serious boundaries for myself, because I used to get distracted very easily, and so the business never went anywhere. I think part of that was finding work and a business model that I wanted so much that I stopped at nothing to get it. I finally realised the truth of ‘there’s no failure if you never stop trying.’ That grit and determination has led me to to the success I’m experiencing today.
How do you create an evenly balanced work and personal life?
You know, a lot of the work I do is about getting in touch with your body and being really authentic at the moment. After training for 15 years, I’m very good at checking in and reading my body wants. I pretty much stay tuned into myself on a deep level and when things get to be too much, I take it down a notch. I found that when I’m connected and aligned with myself, I move forward at a pretty fast-pace and that my balance is maintained.
The highlight of your career so far?
For me, the entire thing is a highlight. I feel like I’ve been waiting to teach this work for about 20 years and I’m finally able to do that. This is absolutely my purpose in life, I feel I incarnated to teach this work. Now it’s just time to scale it up!
What gives you ultimate career satisfaction?
Seeing people transform in front of my eyes, is one of the most powerful experiences ever had in life. With just a few questions, in just a few minutes, people can get clarity on things that they have struggled with for their entire life. I’ve solved issues for men in mere weeks that they were struggling with for 50+ years. Often I’m helping them solve problems that they didn’t even know it could be solved and there’s nothing quite like that feeling in the world.
What does your Podcast playlist look like?
Actually, the most time I’ve spent with podcasts has been with my own. I do a weekly show called the ‘Art Of Attraction,’ where I teach this work more publicly and address different topics and questions from people. It’s a great forum it’s a great forum where I can teach to my heart’s content and people can get a lot of really great usable content that can help them in their dating life. I get really great feedback from that endeavor, people are always writing in saying how much it has helped them have more confidence, or make better choices, it’s really fantastic.
How do you measure your terms of success?
I’ve created a definition of success which just served me well over the last few years. To me, success is being able to make as much money as you want, doing what you love. I’d say have accomplished that pretty well.