Sallyanne Hartnell is a life and transition coach who is passionate about working with women in transition, especially those who’ve experienced separation or divorce, helping them to reclaim their personal power, rebuild their confidence and fly beautifully solo.
Hey Sallyanne, can you introduce yourself to us?
I am Sallyanne, a life coach for women in transition during and following separation or divorce. Divorced. Single mum to two gorgeous, feisty, loving, energetic and busy teenagers. Business owner. Daughter. Sister. Aunty. Friend. Coffee lover. Tennis player. Beach lover and boogie boarder. Photographer. Singer (in the car and shower). Traveller.
Can you take us through your journey to where you are now?
I started my work life as a physiotherapist, so have always been drawn to work which supports and helps others be their best selves. I went through my own divorce when my children were pre-school aged and while it was as amicable as we could make it, and we have a fairly strong relationship as co-parents, I felt there was not much support during the divorce process or after. I made mistakes and struggled with the overload of decisions to be made, emotions, grief, anger, frustration, all the while trying to parent our kids and guide them through the process with as little trauma as possible. I started to Reflect Coaching as I want other women experiencing that transition and confronting that overwhelm, to be deeply supported. I now work with clients coaching them through all the non-legal aspects of divorce, such as sifting through all of the information required by lawyers & mediators, organising and presenting it concisely, setting firm boundaries, developing communication strategies and skills, work & career choices, living arrangements, solo and co-parenting, money & finance and maintaining good self-care.
What is a day in the life of you like a divorce/separation/transition coach?
Every day is different. I am a solopreneur, so wear many hats on any given day. My favourite part of any day is connecting with clients, which I do mostly via Skype or Zoom. Generating and sharing content that supports, educates and aids my clients and other women going through divorce is another huge part of my day-to-day work, along with connecting with other professionals working with my clients, for example family lawyers, accountants and financial advisors and health and well-being practitioners; building a team of like-minded professionals who can support my clients and whose clients may benefit from working with me.
What was the concept behind launching Reflect Coaching?
Reflect Coaching was launched to support women in transition, during and after divorce or separation. I support women during the divorce process to redefine what they want their life to look and feel like afterward. I offer them support in the early stages of the divorce journey, to be clear on what they want at the end of the process, enabling them to make empowered and educated decisions. I also guide them afterward to make clear choices so they recreate and rebuild their post-divorce life exactly as they want it to be.
How is Reflect Coaching funded, is it bootstrapped, self-funded ect?
Reflect Coaching is self-funded.
Can you tell us how you are helping your clients to build a beautiful solo
Clients choose to work with me for either 6 or 10 sessions during which we explore themes or areas of their life they want to reset, refresh and redefine – money & finance; work & career; parenting, solo-parenting and co-parenting; communication strategies; work-life balance and the juggle of solo-life; self-love, self-healing, and self-care.
I work with them to set goals in these areas they are deeply connected to and are measurable and achievable within our time together. With support and guidance, my clients set actions to be completed during sessions, stepping them in a structured, supported way, towards achieving their goals.
I also offer a 3 hour Clarity Session, which is very useful especially for those clients who are at the beginning of their divorce journey. We determine how they want the end point of this emotionally fraught and difficult journey to look while they are at the very beginning. This enables my clients to step forward, supported and empowered, and make clearer decisions as they navigate their way through.
Can you highlight 3 tips on how us women can identify what we want from life post-divorce?
- BE DEEPLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Ask yourself, “Did I compromise myself, my values or allow my boundaries to be transgressed in my relationship?” Often, this can lead you to feel devalued or a failure. You are none of those things. And, if you DO answer YES to any of those questions, honour yourself and the future you most want, by acknowledging you have work to do in that area. Commit to doing the work.
- CLEARLY IDENTIFY YOUR VALUES. What is truly and deeply important to you in your life overall and in your relationships with friends, family, and your future significant other? What are your non-negotiables? Step forward into your post-divorce life with CLARITY on what these values are, and make choices that are aligned with them.
- RATE YOUR LEVEL OF HAPPINESS / FULFILMENT. Make a list of the main areas or themes of your life e.g. family, friends, community, significant other, health & wellbeing, personal growth, fun & leisure, finance, career & work, home. Rate your happiness in each of these areas out of 10. This gives you an appreciation of where you need to expend time and energy to create a balanced, happy, fulfilling life. For each area, choose a word or short phrase that describes how you want to FEEL about that area of your life. Excited? Safe? Nurtured? Challenged?
And, I know you said 3 tips but I’d like to add a final point… when faced with decisions, big and small, stop and pause. Ask yourself, which decision will make you feel most satisfied/happy/ secure /loved/supported? Choose which will most support you to feel however it is you want to feel in your life.
Who does the team involve behind you at Reflect Coaching?
Reflect Coaching is, at this stage, a solo-prenuer business. I have a range of other practitioners I refer my clients to on an as-needs basis.
Where can you see yourself within the next 3-5 years?
Having created a community of women who I can support but who also support and uplift each other through the divorce journey and beyond. Additionally, I will be running workshops and retreats for women who are going through separation or divorce and for those wishing to redefine their lives after. My children are now teenagers, in the final stages of their secondary schooling and readying themselves for life beyond, so personally, I see big changes in my life over the next few years.
What strategies do you have in place when looking at the expansion of Reflect Coaching?
At this early stage of my business, the main strategy is to build deeper connections with other professionals working in family law & divorce, for example, family law practitioners, mediators, financial advisors, etc. The long-term strategy is to be running workshops and retreats in collaboration with other practitioners and eventually have a small team of trained coaches working with Reflect Coaching’s clientele.
Can you tell us what areas you have struggled in professionally?
Marketing & social media strategy. I am currently working with a business coach who is fabulous, and I’m getting a better handle on this. As a single Mum to two busy teenagers, I also struggle to fit everything into my days!
Have you ever had any other mentor? If so how has this benefitted you to grow?
I have had many unofficial mentors and worked with a Life Coach over a number of years. As I said above, I’m currently working with a Business Coach, Kate McCready. As a coach myself, I’m committed to my own personal growth and learning and I find that working with a coach supports me to do that. A coach, or mentor, is someone to bounce ideas off, clarify my thoughts and ideas with, and someone to hold me gently accountable for doing what I say I most want to do. I make great “To Do” lists… and working with a coach ensures I actually tick things off the list! I also love that working with a mentor or coach opens my mind to new ideas about life or my business that I hadn’t previously considered.
What outlets do use to market Reflect Coaching?
Social media, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. I’m also looking at some direct email marketing strategies. And of course, my professional connections are a big part of my marketing strategy.
Which methods are you using to build your own support network?
On a personal level am very mindful of my own self-care and make sure I regularly take a time-out of work/parenting to recharge. I diarise things I know support me – working with my own coach, exercise, yoga & meditation, massage, even simple solitude – or I know it won’t happen. I make it a priority and build the rest of my week around these things.
Professionally, I am working on building a bigger network of like-minded professionals who work with while they transition through divorce, that I can refer my clients to. I’m a huge believer in the power of human connection; if we build a connection with those who are seeking to serve the same purpose or people, we all benefit. Most of all our clients.
What do you believe are the common misconceptions about divorce and separation and how are you using your platform and voice to educate people more?
The biggest misconception about divorce it that has to be adversarial, resulting in ongoing bitterness and anger. It doesn’t need to be. Guiding and supporting my clients to build successful communication strategies with their ex-partner during and beyond the divorce process can dramatically change the outcome leading to the “best” divorce possible, rather than the most traumatic.
What would you like to see changed for millennials in business?
I would like to see businesses supporting millennial couples when/if they become parents so that the workload, parenting load, and mental load can be more evenly split between men and women. Businesses need to make room for men to leave the workplace – especially as fathers – as much as they need to make room for women to remain in or re-enter the workforce after having children. While relevant for all parents, the juggle is heightened for single parents and is a significant issue for my clients.
What is the best piece of business advice you have received to date?
As a business owner, you have made a pact with fear. Be prepared to wake up, every day, effectively unemployed and, in spite of this fear, keep moving forward.
What is the number 1 critical lesson you have learned in your career so far?
That selling is serving, selling to your ideal client is providing them with something they want and need. It is serving them.
How do you create an evenly balanced work and personal life?
I don’t. I accept that at times there will be an imbalance. Sometimes work takes precedence, sometimes my children take priority, sometimes my self-care needs to be #1.
A seminal point in your career so far?
Enrolling in and completing the life coaching course with Beautiful You Coaching Academy.
What gives you ultimate career satisfaction?
When a client says, during or after a coaching series “this has been a life changing experience”
What challenges have been presented with during the growth of your business?
My two biggest challenges, the first one being time. Balancing everything that needs to be done as a business owner, serving my clients fully while still managing two kids, two cats, and a busy, full joyous life.
Then, reaching my ideal clients when they need me the most, my business is new, so I accept that this will take time; it’s also a very defined niche market and not a service that everyone needs and definitely not one that anyone wants to be in need of.
Which other leading entrepreneurs and pioneering game changers do you also admire and why?
Brene Brown, her Ted talk on the ‘Power Of Vulnerability’ was a game-changing moment in my life. At the moment I’m reading Braving the Wilderness. I absolutely love her anatomy of trust B-R-A-V-I-N-G – it’s so relevant to my clients and also resonates with me on a deeply personal level
Clare Bowditch. In 2014 I attended the Big Hearted Business Conference that Clare ran, connecting creative business owners and operators with corporates. This was another pivotal experience in my life, cementing for me the belief that you can bring your heart to business and be successful; they aren’t mutually exclusive. That you can make a living “doing what you love while taking care of yourself and contributing to the world in a meaningful way.”
Kate Northrup, her book has the power to change so many lives, including those of my clients. Also, Esther Perel who believes, like I do, that the quality of our connections and relationships, determines the quality of our lives. She has powerfully influenced the way I think about and looks at relationships.
What is a good article or book you have read recently?
I loved ‘Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine’ by Gail Honeyman. The audiobook version of Kate Northrup’s ‘Money, A Love Story.’ I said above, I’m currently reading Brene Brown’s ‘Braving the Wilderness.’
Top 3 go-to Podcast channels?
- ‘Reawakened,’ conversations with and for women in transition with Jade McKenzie and Vari Longmuir.
- ‘Chat 10 Looks 3’ with Annabel Crabb and Leigh Sales.
- ‘Where Should We Begin?’ with Esther Perel.
How do you define success?
Success is having all of my needs met, emotional, spiritual, physical, financial, personal, health, friends, family, connection, business – in a way that is aligned with my life values while maintaining a deep and meaningful connection with the people I love.
What does #BEYOUROWN mean to you?
Walk your own path, in your own way. Be clear about what you want from your life and honour that you have the power to create it.
Finally, what can we expect from you next?
The launch of my blog in 2019.