People and groups in organisations often hold differing views but still need each other’s co-operation. They may differ about:
- Goals
- Roles
- Procedures
- Relationships
Leaders need to hold these differing opinions effectively so they can help people navigate their differences wisely. But how do they achieve this practically? Ruth Farenga, Founder, Conscious Leaders and Author of a new book Next Level Leadership: nine lessons from conscious leaders explains how we can manage workplace conflicts.
Listen
Often people are not really arguing about the surface level subject, the issue runs deeper. Therefore, it can be useful to listen carefully to what is going on for the individuals involved on a one to one basis. If it is just you in this situation in conflict – see what it’s like to not have to prove your point but to really listen to understand the other person.
Mediate
When people are in conflict, quite regularly, they are not listening well to each other either. If this is the case, it is an opportunity to allow each party in turn to express their views uninterrupted by the other party. This allows them to feel heard and understood. This is likely to be more successful after you have listened to them on a one to one basis first. Reflect back what you have heard to each person from their perspective from a non-emotional standpoint so each of the parties understand each other more clearly.
You may say start by saying, ‘let’s take up to 5 mins each way to hear from each person what is going on for them. Please do not interrupt but listen to understand their perspective as best you can’
Coach
Allow the individuals involved to suggest ways around the situation that could provide a way forward through the conflict. You can use questions such as:
- If this relationship is difficult for you, what is working? Can you build on the strengths of the other person (I know it is easy to focus on the weaknesses).
OR - How do we resolve this in a way that we can move forward?
OR - What is your best idea about how you can collaborate better?
Great coaching is often thought of as mentoring or giving advice whereas instead, coaching involves looking to them for the solution (even if you think you have the answers yourself). This method means they are more likely to own the steps forward and commit to any change needed.
Check in
It is all too easy to brush aside a conflict after it has passed not allowing for any learning to be embedded in case a similar situation arises again. Bring your great listening and coaching to enable people to trust your ongoing support of their development as you check in with them e.g. one week later – find out how they are digesting what happened. It also allows you see if they have moved forward and help them through any further barriers.
Pan out and understand conflict styles
Once the situation has blown over, there is great value in stepping back to understand conflict styles in general so people more readily self-reflect before they act.
There are 4 key conflict styles which we can fall into in different situations
- Accommodating Bear – ‘I don’t care that much’ – Cooperating to a high degree
- Avoiding Turtle – ‘I’d just rather not deal with this right now’ – Avoids the issue
- Competing Shark – ‘I take charge’ – uses a win/lose approach
- Collaborating Owl – ‘two heads are better than one’ – seeks win-win
With awareness, we can learn to decide whether our conflict style is effective or not and how we may change in different settings.
For more practical tips and meaningful conversations on great people leadership from Ruth Farenga visit Conscious Leaders and subscribe to the Conscious Leaders Podcast and monthly Conscious Conversation newsletter.
