The Oxford Dictionary defines empathy as the ability to understand another person’s feelings and experience. In layman terms, it means being able to relate to the other person, their situation, and how they are experiencing it. Empathy requires leaders to be in sincere and authentic conversation with their teams, so that they feel “truly and genuinely, met”.
From a leadership perspective, being able to demonstrate empathy is a critical skill and a cornerstone of building connection and trust. If people don’t trust their leader, this will ultimately limit or perhaps even damage performance.
In the current context of large-scale change, high levels of ambiguity, and a cost-of-living crisis, there will be moments when team members need a safe pair of ears and an open heart so that they feel heard and understood.
Empathy OR Performance?
Leaders are not, however, expected to know everything about the personal situation of their employees or colleagues, and do not need to be a doormat either. Showing empathy and getting good performance does not need to be an “either or” situation.
Sometimes, it is equally helpful to be clear on what empathy does not mean:
- Fixing or immediately replacing the team member
- Moving too quickly into solution mode
- Throwing away or abandoning your expectations in terms of performance
Instead of doing any of the above, it is more helpful and respectful to give your team members some space and the necessary support to work through the scenario themselves.
Investigate what options are available. Most employee assistance programmes are relatively cost-effective and offer a wide range of experts in areas such as counselling, finance, health, and many more. Leaders are not expected to be trained counsellors or specialist consultants outside of their area of expertise.
Establishing the route back to full performance may require a bit more time than you had initially anticipated, but if the person is worth investing in, you will reap the rewards in the longer term.
This investment in the relationship sends a very strong signal about the leadership style and culture of the organisation. And this is important because, as we know, bad news travels faster than the good stuff, and you don’t want to have to deal with the effects of sending out the wrong message and getting a bad reputation as an employer
Top tips
- Create some time for meaningful and private one-on-one conversation.
- Acknowledge the feelings that you can see or sense in the individual – don’t ignore them.
- Use language that helps them feel “met” as a human being — e.g. “I can see you are upset/frustrated.”
- Don’t rush into solutions mode — create space for the conversation to unfold. Ask rather than tell — e.g. “What’s going on for you?” or “Where is this coming from?”
- Ask them what they need — encourage them to reflect and come back with some suggestions.
- Offer support if that is available (e.g. an Employee Assistance Programme) and let them come up with what they need to get performance back on track.
- Maintain connection on a human level – a few light-touch “check-in” conversations go a long way to demonstrate an investment in the relationship.
- Review progress in regard to the work they are doing — keep checking what’s needed to get back on track.
Tess Cope runs The Transformation Agency, helping leaders and executives harness their full potential through systemic coaching, so they can build a brilliant culture that positively impacts their wider team. Tess’s own journey began at the age of 21 when her dad was killed during the Troubles in Northern Ireland. She knows only too well the importance of unpacking any layers of trauma, no matter how small, if we want to become the best versions of ourselves and lead in any capacity. Tess learnt the hard way that self-leadership is the most important way to live your life, and is on a mission to help senior leaders have a positive impact on 100,000 people.
