5 Tips For Mastering Effective Communication, By Leah Brown FRSA, Broadstairs Consulting

Conversations are intentional exchanges through which a message is supposed to be delivered and received. But what if the way they communicate means their message is lost in translation? Most people speak to be heard, not to be understood. But when they are misunderstood, things go awry quite quickly and they start to wonder if it is possible to have effective communication at all!

Human flourishing depends on people being seen, feeling heard and being understood. Everyone feels empowered when conversations go well, relationships are strengthened, and interactions are enjoyable and friction free. Sometimes this isn’t the case and conflict leaves people feeling lost and frustrated. But a key tenet of conversing well is the ability to agree to disagree.

Leah Brown FRSA MSoM LLB is an entrepreneur, professional speaker, podcast host, mediator, non-fiction writer and recovering corporate M&A lawyer. She is Founder & CEO of Broadstairs Consulting, a problem-solving boutique working with leaders in sport, politics, and media to bring about transformational change and build stronger, healthier, more resilient organisations. She is passionate about mental health and wellbeing and is scheduled to deliver a TEDx talk on The Art of Disagreeing Well in 2024.

So how can effective communication be mastered? Leah Brown explains.

Offer flexibility

Effective communication is purposeful and requires curiosity and frequency. Regardless of whether the person being spoken to is in the room, on the other end of a telephone, or the other side of the world, communication requires flexibility from the person trying to get their message across. In order to share information effectively, the speaker needs to “read the room” and adapt their message to their audience, something that is often done subconsciously. Where the message is tailored to the background, knowledge, and needs of the audience, it instantly becomes accessible and relevant to listeners which makes engagement easier.

Demonstrate humility

Good communication inspires trust but too much candour can land a speaker in hot water. The person speaking should only say what needs to be said after weighing up various ideas and perspectives. If communicating opinions, it may be helpful to be clear about this. Giving a perspective on the matter authentically is important but must be balanced with knowing their audience’s needs. Having humility enables the person communicating to set aside the presumption that their convictions ‘must be right’. Even when conversations are difficult, a posture of humility allows the speaker to invite other perspectives and ensures that they can remain respectful of other views.

Offer empathy

Empathy – the ability to feel what others feel – is an opportunity to deepen communication, by inhabiting another’s world as if seeing it through their eyes. Human nature sometimes allows people

to presume that they will be offended by what is being said to them. It is tempting to focus on how to respond when listening but empathy presupposes listening to the other person to understand their point of view, rather than to disagree with them. When people offer empathy, the other person speaking feels seen and heard and is likely to share more freely and with respect, but is also likely to reciprocate when considering what they are hearing.

Be vulnerable

When someone takes time to share how they feel without trying to control how the other person responds, there is space for vulnerability to emerge. Every person bears marks of trauma, and in one way or another is walking wounded. These things increase the risk of miscommunication but where vulnerability is welcomed, both healing and growth are invited to the table. However, not all vulnerability is appropriate or well-received. Sometimes it is difficult to respond to someone who is over-sharing or demanding to be heard. Sometimes, it may be necessary to bring other people into the conversation to hold space for peoples’ experiences and to help both parties disagree well.

Agree to disagree

Everyone has values and beliefs that drive them. Most people come to the table with opinions that are either long-held or recently acquired, but conflict is inevitable. Conflict is not a dirty word – in fact, it is integral to good communication provided each person seeks clarity and is minded to move past the differences in opinion. Where conflict arises, effective communication means owning one’s part in the conflict and asking to reconcile with the other party. Rebuilding after a bust-up requires slowness, a lot of listening, patience, permission and shorter interactions prefaced on restoring trust.

Conclusion

Every person is a work in progress when it comes to communicating effectively. If you want examples of leaders who do this well, have a listen to The Longest Day podcast. It may just inspire you to communicate with flexibility, be humble first and candid second, give empathy and vulnerability a try, and agree to disagree, one conversation at a time.