Supporting a partner who has an eating disorder is a tough undertaking due to the level of commitment and understanding required, but not impossible with the right guidance. The best first step, unsurprisingly, is to visit a doctor to properly assess the situation, but it can be the hardest. There are still a variety of ways to help them build up the courage to visit a doctor and receive treatment, and Giulia Guerrini, the lead pharmacist from digital pharmacy Medino has outlined five ways to do so.
Ask them how to help
Everyone’s situation is different, and there’s no all-encompassing guide on exactly how someone with an eating disorder will want their partner to support them. This list will offer solid tips on how to approach various situations, but some tips will be more or less relevant on a case-by-case basis. Asking them how to help can also give a better understanding of how they feel and what hurdles will need to be overcome in order to visit a doctor. It’s easier said than done, but try not to be over protective. Taking full control of the situation without leaving them space and motivation to build confidence and overcome challenges can suffocate them and make them feel more frustrated.
Be alert to possible signs that there might be something wrong
Eating disorders can include anorexia, binge-eating, bulimia and more, and each disorder has a unique set of symptoms. For binge-eating, someone might start eating in secret, eating large amounts of high-fat foods and sweets or eating more than normal portion sizes. For anorexia, look out for physical problems, such as feeling lightheaded or dizzy, hair loss or dry skin, or regular comments about being overweight despite being at a perfectly healthy weight. Other red flags for various disorders can include excessive amounts of exercise, frequently checking the mirror to assess flaws, leaving meals to use the toilet on a regular basis and making excuses to not eat during the day.
Avoid avoidance
Confronting difficult behaviours or ignoring them completely, sometimes in the hope they may just improve on their own, is not the right approach. Thinking that this might ‘just be a phase’ or that talking about it will make it worse can be misinterpreted by the person suffering with an eating disorder as being unloved and uncared for. People with eating disorders often find it difficult to open up, so by showing willingness to discuss the subject and their emotions, they might be more prone to express their feelings in a healthier way rather than through food. Having a constructive conversation with someone suffering from an eating disorder is not easy, but try to be a good listener and avoid unconstructive or frequent criticism.
Surround them with positivity, limit negativity
Of course as a partner, being close to someone with eating disorders can lead to feelings of sadness, anxiousness and stress. Despite this, try to surround this person with positive and constructive behaviours while avoiding unregulated emotions such as bursting into tears, shouting and showing anger, as this can have a backlash effect and could push away someone with an eating disorder even more. Try to channel just enough compassion to help them navigate through this illness. Avoid trying to convince them to drop an eating disorder behaviour by being over-directive. Entering heated arguments and giving commands such as ‘do not eat it’ or ‘eat this’ or ‘don’t go for a run’ might seem like the most logical thing to say and come from a good place, but it won’t help. Having an eating disorder is not a rational choice.
Approach it as a team
Caring for someone with an eating disorder is not easy to do alone, and this is why often the best approach is to do it as a team. Ask for support to close friends and family, utilise sources of information and identify a wider support network of GPs, specialist care teams and, if required, A&E. If something is working, do more of it. If something doesn’t work, think about why it didn’t and try a different approach. Every case is different, but everyone wants to feel loved and supported.
