During our childhood’s we can be exposed to some very traumatic situations. Life can suddenly seem uncertain, or confusing. For example, multiple losses can cause a child to feel anxious about who they can trust and who will look after them. Such adverse childhood experiences can traumatise someone for many years. Those events can be so painful that you can avoid talking about them.
Consequently, as a child, you don’t receive the support you so desperately need. Developing our own coping strategies as a child, is part of our survival. You may feel awkward, embarrassed or stigmatised for what has happened to you. Poor decisions can result in further exploitation and you can feel silently, abandoned, overwhelmed in every risky situation. Even a blue flashing light might cause a panic attack, those feelings and thoughts just stay with you.
As an adult, one thing you can do to overcome childhood trauma is to enrol on a course and bury yourself in books that provide beneficial information, you can think of it as therapy.
Diane Clarke is the founder and CEO of CatchU, supporting traumatised children impacted by domestic homicide or suicide in the context of domestic abuse. She is also the author of ‘Daughter of a Murderer,’ below Diane explains the term ‘Avoidance Rebellion,’ and how we can avoid going through it.
Take control of your expenses
Shopping is avoidance strategy that can make you feel momentary better but your anxiety will sweep away the joy, if you buy unnecessary things and can’t pay the bills, you still needed to settle. Create a budget plan and stick to it.
Self care should always be on the top of your to do list
You know exercise is good for you but you can always put it off for another day. You could even pile on those calories, enjoying a binge drink laden with junk food, tomorrow will always be a better time to detox and eat healthily. Take action, go for that walk, take a gentle swim and plan a delicious healthy menu for the day, you will feel so alive.
Finish your projects
Avoidance is exhausting and you will put things on hold due to your state of mind. Not finishing things will make you feel incompetent and more depressed. Your confidence in the work place may even decline as you avoid stressful roles that drain your energy. Ensure you get enough sleep and relax more. A yoga session to start the day will open your mind. Plan your time and reflect at the end of your day on your achievements and your accomplishments.
Tolerate and acknowledge your own uncomfortable thoughts
This also goes for feelings and make your life easier by dealing with them. Avoidance can seem the easier option but it impacts on your life. It can affect your relationships, small matters can result in conflict. Household chores might be left for later. Sex, a previous avoidance strategy, might be replaced with addictive games on the computer. Analyse your triggers and how you respond to them. You will soon realise your behaviour demonstrates self-defeat. Allowing those feelings to pass will gradually reduce your anxiety.
It’ll be ok
Tell yourself, with each irrational thought, that things are OK. Most negative thoughts are distorted by our experiences.Minimise the psychological grip they hold by defusing them. For example, the anxiety of blue flashing lights can be defused by assuming another mother is about to give birth. How wonderful is that! You will begin to breathe normally and your heart rate will slow, keeping a panic attack at bay. Self regulate your emotions and set yourself goals to have healthy habits, alternatives, or balance and you will begin to think more clearly.
After years of utilising avoidance coping strategies, ask yourself what you had actually been trying to avoid. It may have been shame or sympathy but gradually avoidance will have caused more harm. So make a fresh start. Have a social life and know how to relax. Take regular exercise. Set yourself tasks for the day and make sure you complete them. Be proud of what you can accomplish and see how much you can achieve by the avoidance rebellion.
